What is Love Bombing? Understanding the Difference between Manipulation and Genuine Acts of Love [2024]

“I will never fall for love bombing! I am not dumb!” said many people. Little did they know that love bombing has nothing to do with intelligence. It is a game of manipulation that anyone can fall for. The exterior of a love bombing can look utterly genuine and romantic and many people fail to realize that it is all just a trap. Hence, let’s get to know more about this topic so we can avoid it better, shall we?

What is a Love Bomb and Why do people do It?

In simple words, love bombing refers to overwhelming acts of love given to someone to manipulate them into being in the perpetrator’s control. It can be lavish gifts, sweet words from time to time, romantic dates, and all those things that feel too good to be true.

While it may feel enchanting, love bombing is a sinister tactic usually done by a narcissist. First, they will sweep you off your feet and get you emotionally attached. Such a situation will blur your logic and senses, thus making them easier to control, take advantage of, and even abuse.

The Cycle of Love Bombing

Getting love-bombed can be fun. You will feel valued and loved. But here is the catch: it will never stay like that all the time. Those fancy gifts are not given for free! Your relationship will take a sharp turn, and you will be overwhelmed in a limbo of a never-ending cycle, usually consisting of the phases:

1. Idealization

Love is in the air! During the idealization phase, the perpetrator will shower you with endless acts of love. The relationship dynamic will feel like a fairy tale coming true, driving you to a state where you are ready to give everything to the one you love. This is the era of love bombing, but it will not last long before your partner changes the dynamic.

The duration of the love-bombing period may vary between couples, but narcissists usually will not spend more than three months to invest in the idealization phase.

2. Devaluing

Wake up wake up! The dream is over, and the love story takes a sharp turn. Suddenly, for no reason, your partner will start treating you with less respect and interest. During this phase, it is common for the narcissist to ignore, control, gaslight, and even abuse the victim.

This abrupt shift will make you confused, second-guessing, and feeling unloved. Sure enough, it will be your instinct to work on your “precious” relationship and return to your perfect romance. You will tend to tolerate this disrespect and subconsciously let your partner take advantage of you. Over time, your self-esteem will fall even deeper, making it harder for you to think clearly and get out of this limbo. 

3. Discard

The “sweet love” you are longing to win back will never come, because it never even exists in the first place. Instead, the dynamic gets worse over time until your partner no longer needs to keep you in the relationship. The discarding act may be in the form of divorce, breakup, cheating, or complete ignorance, but it will certainly be cold. You might wonder how your lover could act as if they were never in love with you, which, unfortunately, was true.

4. Hoovering

This phase does not always happen but be prepared for it regardless. Sometimes, a narcissist might regret discarding their victims later on, so they start bothering them, trying to win them back. It will sound like the idealization phase spiced up with so many empty promises and ingenuine apologies. This action will also happen when the victim decides to leave the relationship and move on.

Bear in mind that their regrets do not come from guilt or love. They are mostly because they need more from you or hate facing the consequences of breakups. Falling for these manipulative people will only bring the cycle back into idealization and devaluation all over again.

Red Flags; Signs of Love Bombing

You don’t want to fall for a manipulative romance, but you also don’t want to act suspicious towards your partner because they might be genuine about their love. So, how do you know whether it’s a love bombing when your partner showers you with affection and gifts? Here are some signs you can look into:

Intense Communication

Love bombing often comes with communication bombing. We are talking about endless calls and chats here, and meeting up as often as possible. Narcissists want their victims to be deeply invested in them. Hence, they will try to keep you engaged with them most of the time. 

Overly Demanding on Commitment

It is not uncommon for a narcissist to say “I love you” or ask to move in together very early on in the relationship, between all the love bombing games. There are also cases of sharing each other’s location all the time. The goal is to pressure you to make the same level of commitment, which they will take advantage later on.

Social Isolation

People around you are more likely to notice the malicious intent behind the love bombs, and they will be the ones helping you to get out of the manipulation. Keeping the victim away from other people would make things much easier for the narcissist to keep the manipulation going. 

Testing Limits

Between all the love bombs, your partner might intentionally cross boundaries a little to measure your reaction. They will make it seem like it was unintentional or is not a big deal so don’t make a big fuss out of it. But later on, they will come up with a new strategy to manipulate you even more.

Rollercoaster of Emotions

After the first cycle of love bombing ends, you will feel your relationship going back and forth between the idealization and devaluation phases. The perpetrator might convince you that this is a normal dynamic, but you will still have overwhelming emotions going up and down in an endless loop.

Never Work on the Root of the Problems

Before falling back into the next episode of love bombing or hoovering phase after a devaluation and discard, try reviewing your relationship. What has your partner done about their actions that hurt you? Manipulative narcissists may apologize and make sweet promises, but they never go to the root of the problems, let alone settle them once and for all. They will do it all over again after the next phase of love bombing ends.

How Genuine Acts of Love Are Supposed to Be

If love bombing is toxic, what are the healthy ways to express love in a relationship? How should the experience feel when your partner genuinely showers you with affection? 

1. Natural and Logical

Things that your partner does will not far exceed your expectations. The gifts make sense, in terms of quality, quantity, and context. Anything they say or do to you is rational, not something that feels stolen from a rom-com scenario.

2. Sense of Comfort

Instead of feeling surprised or dreamy, the things your lover does should make you feel more comfortable being with them. You don’t feel like you owe to return the favour. Your willingness to commit grows deeper as you feel more comfortable in the relationship.

3. Steady Growth

A healthy relationship grows gradually. While the speed may vary between couples, you should not feel rushed with your commitment. The dynamic should be steady, even with the ups and downs. You may not give a series of love bombs, but the little love you receive from time to time will feel greater and more precious.

4. Feels Secure Even During A Conflict

There is no relationship without a conflict. But if your relationship is healthy, you should still feel secure and loved. You shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the fear of losing your love when there is a little fight or disagreement.

5. Mature and Open Communication

Your communication will contain less sweet promises, but more of a logical dialogue to address the things that concern both of you. There will be no pressure to get along with what your partner wants or expects from you.

Getting Love Bombed? Here Is What You Need to Do

Now that you understand how a love bombing can be, the next thing to learn is how to escape the situation as quickly and safely as possible, before you fall too deep or get hurt too much. Here are some tips to live by:

1. Slow Down and Breathe

When your partner progresses too fast or acting super-loving, take a pause and breathe. Ask your partner to slow down and see how they respond. A genuine person will respect your request and adjust their pace. But if they get offended or make a fuss out of it, get ready with your exit strategy.

2. Keep Your Friends and Family in the Loop

Never hide your relationship even when it is still in the very early stage. Your friends and family may not need to meet your partner until things get serious, but they still need to know what is going on with your romantic life. As explained before, they might see red flags of love bombing you overlook. 

3. Communicate Maturely

You must be firm and clear when communicating with a narcissist, even during the love bombing period. Let them know your boundaries and be firm about it when your partner tries to gaslight or manipulate you in any way. See how they react, and avoid them when they are not communicating maturely.

4. Distance Yourself Away

Leave and move on. Your happy ending does not exist behind these crazy love bombs. Understandably, some people might not be able to escape quickly and safely, but stay firm with your exit strategy. Keep your distance from your ex-partner as they might hoover around to lure you back.

It might not be easy to let go of the enchanting love bombs, but it will serve you well in the long run when you firmly stay out of them. You need to open up an opportunity to get a healthy long-lasting romance, a kind of relationship you deserve. Your happy-ever-after is out there, not behind the manipulative bombs of a narcissist.

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